I wonder if it’s truly a thing to die from heartbreak. Amazingly, I have had my heart broken, bent, braided and burned. I still fall in love continuously, still try my best to barely get a C- on a paper and still feel happy about it, and not understand how I could possibly feel upset because my crush decided to touch another girl’s shoulder.

My first crush was on a boy I knew nothing about other than the fact that he was so adorable I would stalk him on the playground in Elementary school. I can clearly remember running my fastest to get to an open swing if he was on the swings.

Let me also just say Elementary school was a time I lacked friends…you can see why.

Now, if I ever did anything like that, I would freak out due to how much of a stalker I would be. Thankfully, I’m not, so that saves me a lot of awkward moments in front of my crush.

Now, as my age increases along with my maturity, I feel much more secure around people I find attractive. Although, I can still find a way to embarrass myself so much I stay awake for the next few nights regretting breathing that day.

If I could have given myself advice to myself from where I am right now, I really don’t know what I’d tell myself. I wouldn’t say, “Just go up to him and tell him how you feel!” like most 15 year old girls would say. To that, I call BS. As a girl, I can inference about the girls that give themselves this advice that they would never act out on this advice they give themselves and their friends.

I am most certainly a hypocrite for saying that, I’m always telling my friends, “Just text him first! Nothing bad could happen from that!” While I still lack the ability to have a conversation with my crush due to my fear of rejection.

I imagine everyone goes through this heartbreak. It doesn’t matter if it happens at 5 or at 25, you still feel crushed beyond belief. Heartbreak is not an easy thing to deal with, it hurts and hurts and sometimes you just want to scream and cry.

Maybe that’s what you do. That’s what I’d do, just let your emotions come pouring out and let me tell you, crying in the shower is one of the best feelings in the world. All of your problems leave down the drain for awhile as you stand under the water and just relax.

So maybe my heart can’t break literally from someone not loving me back. Because no matter what, I’ve realized the world keeps spinning. The sun rises the next morning and there is still hope for you and someone else who deserves love.


Song: In Love With a Boy – Kaya Stewart

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